Forget, forgive and start over
by L0stAng3l
Summary: Sara is hurt and turns to the only person who she trusts... aren't there more she can talk to? WIP. Eventual Sandle pairing. Chapter 2 is up!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own them.

**A/N:** Okay, somebody asked me to write more Sandle, so here we go. There's no Sandle in this chapter yet though, but it will come soon. A lot of thanks to Mel for betaing this, I know you don't read Sandle normally... THANKS!

* * *

Rumours were spreading through the lab like a disease, everybody seemed to know about them, and Sara felt the looks full sympathy while walking through the hallways. This was not how it was supposed to be, she didn't want their pity, she wanted them to ignore her and let her move on, as good as she could. Although she knew she couldn't, not before she would understand. 'Why is he doing this to me? Doesn't he know, doesn't he understand?' Frustration was building inside her when she strolled down to the locker room. She was relieved to find it empty, now she could hide from all the looks.

She slowly lowered herself on the cold bench and let the tears come. Now that she was alone, she could show the grief she was feeling, she had now lost him forever. With soft sobs, she over thought what all had happened in the past years. She knew she felt comfortable around him, he gave her a feeling of appreciation. As she cried, it more and more dawned on her. Had it really been love, or was she looking for a replacement of her father? Somebody she could rely on, who complimented her and pushed her to go further. Like a father would with his daughter…

She didn't know anymore, didn't understand what she was feeling now. 'Am I trying to find a way to get over this? Am I trying to tell myself I was wrong all along?' After a while she smacked her fist into the bench and stood up, starting pacing. She moved from the one side of the room to the other, angrily wiping away the tears as they continued to fall. Although she knew it was good to show her feelings, she didn't like it. Nobody should see her vulnerable, there's only one person who had, and look what he had done. 'No more being vulnerable in front of friends.'

"Sara? Are you alright in here?" She could hear Nick on the other side of the door, his Texan accent giving him away.

"Yeah, give me a minute, will you?" She responded, wiping away the last tears.

When she casually opened the door, a little while later, she was greeted by a pair of worried brown eyes. Nick was having his arms crossed in front of his chest, but when she walked out he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in a hug. "I'm so sorry sis, I know how you feel about him… it's… anyway, if you need to talk, just know I'm right here, okay?"

He felt her nod against his shoulder, but wasn't sure if she was meaning it. He couldn't look in her eyes, so she could easily be making empty promises. Knowing her, she didn't mean it; she would never tell what was going on, unless somebody forced her to. "Sara, I mean it. When something is bothering, you have to tell me. Promise me."

"I promise," she mumbled against his shirt, wetting it with her tears. When she had recomposed herself again, she leaned back and allowed Nick to lead her outside to his car. The sun was blinding and she filtered it with her hand. This was definitely going to give her a bad headache, which meant: no good rest before work tomorrow. She let out a sigh followed Nick, who was having his arm around her waist, protectively, like a brother. She loved him for it, although sometimes she just wanted to be alone, like now.

"I'm buying you breakfast, you look like you need something to eat."

She didn't object, she just walked with him, head hanging low as they neared the parking lot. "Thanks Nicky."

* * *

Half an hour later they were sitting together in a small restaurant, enjoying their well-deserved breakfast. Sara was silent since the moment they had arrived, and that worried Nick. She was never much of a talker, but she was quieter than usual.

"Sar, now please tell me what's goin' on… Doesn't your big bro deserve to know?" He joked.

She grinned slightly. "My 'big bro' doesn't…" And more serious she added: "Maybe my little bro does."

He smiled softly at her, and asked the waitress if she could bring them another coffee. She politely smiled when she came back with the two mugs of steaming liquid. "Normally I wouldn't let you get away with calling me your 'little bro', but I'll save ya."

She smiled softly. 'What am I going to tell him? I can't tell him yet, it's something I haven't figured out myself yet. I could tell him that I'm taking a leave of absence though, which is true.' She took her mug, which was filled with black liquid, and took a sip.

She grinned at Nick, who was staring at her coffee. "What?"

"Uhm, Sara… aren't you forgetting something?"

With a puzzled look she watched Nick. "What do you mean?"

"Creamer?"

"Oh yeah, right," she said, setting the mug back on the table. Reaching for the creamer she started talking. "After the events of that… you know, nazi case you were working on, I've started thinking, evaluating my life here in Vegas."

When Nick started to object, trying to stop her from saying she was leaving, she held up her hand to silence him. "No Nick, I'm not leaving. Not forever at least. I've decided I should take a leave of absence, to get myself back together. I can't do that while I'm here, in the lab… with _him_. I need some time for myself, away from Vegas, maybe even away from the States, I'm not sure." She smiled. "I've always wanted to go to Europe, maybe I will now… see if I can find a job there for a few months."

"Sara sis, are you sure you're going to need that? Can't you just talk to him?" Nick asked her, his eyes searching hers. He didn't want her to leave; she was like a sister to him. And he was afraid that she wouldn't come back, that she had found a new life somewhere else, and would just leave them be. Although deep in his heart he knew Sara Sidle wouldn't do something like that, the thought still scared him.

"Nick, I need to do this. I should have done it a long time ago, but I never got around to it." Her expression turned sad. "I always kept hoping he would change, you know? That finally he would understand what I was feeling for him, and that someday he would come to me, saying that he knew what to do about it. Right now, I know that will never happen. I need to get over him, get over everything and make a new start. And that new start is going to be abroad."

He nodded, he understood. If Sara Sidle had made a plan, there was no way he could talk it out of her anymore. She was going away, and although it pained him, he was going to be behind her every step of the way. "Well, if this is what you really need and want, then you have to know that I'm right behind you. I love you sis."

She couldn't hold back the tears anymore and she found herself crying, taking the napkin to wipe her moist cheeks. "I love you too 'little bro'."

He grinned. "You are so gonna pay for that!"

* * *

**TBC**

A/N2: Okay, before everybody starts flaming... Mel pointed out that is was confusing that Sara calls Nick her little bro, but she's just teasing, because they only differ a few days in age... Okay, come on with the reviews : ) 


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I do not own these characters… sadly._

_Beta: A lot of thanks to Sina, you rock hun! hugs  
_

_A/N: Okay, here's the second chapter for those of you who still bother to wait for it… Please review, constructive criticism too please… And flames… I've already got a matchbook, thank you very much._

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 2:**

Sara was lying on the creeper under the car they had found on Lake Mead Boulevard. The car belonged to a victim in a homicide case Greg and Nick were working on. They had asked her if she could take a look at the chassis of the car, and with a sigh she had accepted, only because Ecklie had been watching the interaction from the other side of the hallway.

When Greg had come to her, looking at her with his puppy eyes, she had just turned away. When he turned to stand in front of her, she turned again and walked away. He'd followed her like a dog. Suddenly she had stopped and turned around, snapping. "What?"

He had grinned like a Cheshire cat. "You know that case Nick and I are working on?" She had just shrugged and nodded. "The vic's car was found and we were wondering if you would take a look at the chassis to see if there's any trace of GPRS. See if it was possible if she was traced by someone."

"Greg…" She had started, but when she looked over his shoulder she saw Ecklie, eavesdropping. With a fake smile she said: "Of course." And after that she had walked away, inwardly cursing.

Now she was lying on the creeper, wearing a dark blue forensics jumpsuit. She wore goggles to protect her eyes, and with her glove-covered hand she held a flashlight. Not any signs of a GPRS, she concluded with a sigh. Then her beeper went off and her head shot up. With a loud bang her head connected with the dirty metal of the chassis. "Damn!" She cursed.

She rolled out from under the car and removed her goggles. Standing up she wiped her sweaty face with the sleeve of the jumpsuit. It was hot in the garage, because the air-conditioning was broken. With a sigh she put the goggles aside removed her gloves and retrieved her beeper from the side table. The sentence _"My office now, G." _flickered on the small screen and Sara put it in her pocket.

She washed her hands before leaving the garage. With her jumpsuit still on she made her way to Grissom's office, like he had asked her, well, make that 'commanded' her. 'What's his problem now?'

* * *

"You paged me?" She asked, leaning casually against the doorframe of the opened door. Not waiting for a reply, or an invitation for that matter, she walked into his office and sat down in one of the chairs on the one side of his desk. When he didn't speak, she did. "What have you got for me?" 

He took of his glasses and placed them on the desk. "I believe you had something for me," he said, taking something out of the top drawer. She looked closer and saw it was her resignation letter. 'Uh oh, I definitely wasn't ready to talk about that yet,' she thought to herself and saw Grissom's questioning look.

"Look Sara…" He started, fumbling nervously with his hands. "If there's something I did wrong, or something I shouldn't have done… well, I'm sorry. Can't we talk about this? We can't risk losing a good CSI like you Sara."

She watched him silently for a few moments. "The lab can't, or you can't?"

He didn't answer, he only stared at his hands, as if they were the most special things he'd ever seen and hands were pretty special, coming to think of it, but that wasn't the point. The point was that he was avoiding the question. And avoiding questions, well he did a good job with that. But she certainly wasn't going to let him get way with this, no. "Griss?" She demanded.

After having spent several minutes in silence Sara turned around, ready to leave his office. "Well, if you finally got yourself to talk to me, page me."

When she was really ready to leave his office, hand on the door handle, almost pulling it open, she heard his voice. It was soft, and for a moment she thought she was just imagining things. But when she turned around she saw he was looking at her and she asked: "What did you say?"

"I said I can't…" He said, his voice not at full strength.

She walked back to his desk and sat down again. "I'm sorry Grissom, but you're too late. I've told you so 3 years ago, why now? Because I'm leaving? Is that it?" She yelled at him, tears making their way down here cheeks.

"I love you Sara," he started.

"Dammit Grissom! Don't you see it?" She exhaled. "I need to move on, I can't continue doing this. I can't, I simply can't."

He stood up and went to the other side of the desk. Grabbing her by her wrists he pulled her up, against his chest. When she resisted he wrapped his arms around her small body and held her close, whispering in her ear. "Now that you're ready to leave, I realized that I can't let you. I need you here Sara, don't you see it? I love you. And I'm sorry if I only realize it now…"

"Grissom! Let me go!" She yelled, crying hard now. This was what she had wanted to hear for years, but now she did, it didn't even seem so right anymore.

Greg heard the commotion from the other side of the hallway and ran towards Grissom's office, to see what was going on. He could hear Sara yell at Grissom, and he thought he heard her crying. As fast as his legs could carry him he made his way to Grissom's office and yanked the door open.

He saw that Sara was struggling to free herself from Grissom's grip. Tears were running down her face and Greg quickly got in the office, trying to pull the couple apart. But Grissom was stronger and he got pushed aside by the older man.

"Grissom! Let her go!" He pleaded.

"Greg, get out of here, you've got nothing to do with this," Grissom said, his jaw clenched.

Greg didn't recognize his boss anymore, he didn't know what was wrong with him. "Don't you see you're hurting her?"

At that Grissom released Sara, who ran directly out of the office. Greg gave Grissom one more look and then went after Sara, looking into the various labs to see where she'd gone. After a while he found her hiding in the layout room.

"Sara?" He asked, slowly stepping closer to her. She was sitting on the floor, her arms around her knees.

She was shaking uncontrollably and Greg kneeled down beside her and gently took her in his arms. He set aside his feeling for her, he figured it was not the right time to tell her how much she meant to him, not now that she was so fragile.

He caressed her back soothingly and felt how she was starting to calm down. He didn't want to let go, but he felt how she started to pull away.

"I'm okay Greg." She said and stood up.

He stood up too and grabbed her elbow, to stop her from walking away. "You're not, can you tell me what happened?"

She sighed. "I'd rather not," she said while wiping the last traces of tears from her cheeks.

He hugged her carefully, afraid of her reaction. "Sara please, I want to help you," he pleaded. When he felt how she relaxed against him he kissed the crown of her head.

She let out a sigh and started talking. "I've given Grissom my resignation letter, I can't work here anymore, not with him. I need to clear my head, you know?" When he didn't say anything, but just stroked her back, she continued. "I am going to Amsterdam, I've gotten a job there for an unknown period. I will come back eventually, just don't know when yet."

Greg pulled back from her and looked into her eyes. "I'm going to miss you, you know that right?"

She nodded. "I'll see you around," she said and untangled herself from his arms. "I'll give a goodbye party," she added with a sad smile. And with a quick kiss to his cheek she left the building, intending on going home to catch some sleep.

* * *

_TBC (?)_


End file.
